FALL.....S

This posting is not for sympathy, it is for informational use.



WARNING: GROSS ANATOMICAL PHOTO AHEAD!!!



As a result of having Polio (also called infantile paralysis) as a child, I have come down with what they call Post Polio Syndrome.

What happens at the onset of the polio virus is the killing off of about 80% of the muscular nerve receptors in the body. Luckily we are born with many times more of these receptors than the normal body needs in its lifetime. And since a large percent of polio victims are young children, their bodies reroute nerves to areas that still have live receptors. This sometimes gives at least partial use to previously paralysed limbs and muscles. In my case it involved both of my legs, right arm and spine. I regained full use of my legs and about 90% of my right arm. My spine however was left in a very curved and twisted position due to atrophied muscles, which left me with a limp and loss of 3 inches in height, loss of neck and shoulder muscles left me stoop shouldered.

Post Polio Syndrome happens about 30 years later as the remaining nerve receptors die off from use and abuse causing muscle use loss and eventual atrophy. This can also happen to previously unaffected muscles and limbs. It can also affect the diaphragm and chest muscles causing breathing problems. But it can also cause a problem described as "brain fog". Nerve synapses in the brain misfire causing problems of lost thoughts and words, along with concentration and balance problems. Kind of like A.D.D. meets Alzheimer's adding Dyslexia and dizziness just for fun.



So, in my case, over the last 15 years I have lost leg muscle which causes fatigue and pain when standing, walking, and sitting. I developed restless leg syndrome. I have "drop foot" in my left leg which means I cannot raise my foot off the floor which causes me to sometimes catch the toe of my shoe (when I am wearing them) and trip and fall or stumble. My left leg also just quits on me on occasion, like someone tuning the switch off and back on without warning. My right knee is shot, arthritic and a bone on bone joint. I have lost my pectoral and most of my upper arm muscles in my right arm making it about 60% weaker, and muscle loss and weakness in my left arm. My back muscles are weaker and I have degenerative disc disease, 2 pinched nerves caused by herniated discs, (I can't stand to lay flat on my back or sit in a comfortable chair, riding in a car is pure pain) and arthritis caused from 30 years of abuse working at a grain terminal and carrying around over 50 pounds of excess weight (i.e.-fat), and losing 1.5 inches in height. I can no longer read for enjoyment (mind candy), I used to read about a book a day, having anywhere from 2 to 5 novels being read at the same time.(while working in the library in high school I got bored and read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica collection and the Complete Websters Desk Reference Dictionary from cover to cover in my junior year) Now I get frustrated trying to read and understand a paragraph at a time. Reading used to be like watching a full color movie and now its like watching a black and white documentary without the sound. Writing is a mental challenge especially when fingers don't hit the right key. It has taken me almost 3.5 hours just to write this post so far. I no longer enjoy any of my old hobbies because of lack of concentration. I can no longer wade the river fishing, paddle my canoe, or accurately shoot my guns or bows. I can no longer throw knives or tomahawks. Driving is a mental and physical challenge that I no longer enjoy.

But what I can do is fall. I am slowly getting better at it. Whether it's caused by my leg going out, dragging my toes, loosing my balance or just plane accidental, I can now do it without a moments notice or grace. After I was too disabled to work in 2003, I used to keep a journal of my falls and injuries, but gave up after 2 years as it was quite depressing to read. Now I let my chiropractor do that for me. Most of the time I never even bother to let my M.D. know unless it is serious.

Let me tell you about my last couple of falls. Monday while trying to attach a small set of discs to my lawn tractor to disc up the garden, I lost my balance and fell on the discs. Realising that I was falling, I let my knees buckle (less distance to fall) and relaxed, just letting it happen, and kind of rolled onto my side to protect my now damaged shoulder. The result was not good, but it could have been worse. My right knee, hip and side suffered to save my left shoulder. I had my wife take this photo tonight.



This morning while attempting to sit down at the computer, I pulled out the chair and was trying to sit down, when Gracie my cat, must have jumped up on the seat. I felt her under my derriere and tried to stand up, but only managed to roll the chair out from under me and landed flat on my back on the floor. Saving Grace!!! Ruining my last chiropractic adjustment.
Now both of these accidents caused me to use my injured left shoulder to lift myself up to a standing position, bearing my full weight. I must also use my bad right knee to accept my weight as the left one is untrustworthy. And it is easier for me if I do it unassisted, so all my wife can do is watch and worry.

This is my lot in life and I accept it. Everything I do anymore has a price that must be paid. And that price is pain. Just sitting here writting this has a cost, but me and MR. Pain have had a long relationship. He is like my shadow, sometimes like a bright sunshiney day and he is there in full strength and other times he is hardly noticable like on a cloudy day. But he is always there, waiting for the sun to shine. I even changed the words to one of my favorite songs in his honor. See if you can sing along with me, keep in tune now, because I can't. First the original lyrics.

Every Breath You Take
By: Police
Album: Synchronicity

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break,
every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you
Oh, can't you see
You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches With every step you take
Every move you make Every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around, but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please,

Oh, can't you see You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches With every step you take
Every move you make Every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
Every move you make, every step you take
I'll be watching you
I'll be watching you

[ Police Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Now My Version

Pain’s Song
By: Grey Wolf

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bone you break, every trip you take
I'll be clutching you

Every single day
I’m going to make you pay
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be clutching you

Oh, can't you see You belong to me?
How your poor back aches With every step you take
Every move you make Every bone you break
Even at the lake, every nerve you shake
I'll be clutching you

Since you've been born, I've been at work keeping pace
when you fall down, landing on your.... face
I look around, but it's you I can't replace
I feel so good, and I long for your embrace
I keep crying Gary, Gary please,

Oh, can't you see You belong to me?
How your poor bod aches With every step you take
Every move you make Every bone you break
Every smile you fake, every nerve you shake
I'll be clutching you
Every move you make, every step you take
I'll be clutching you
I'll be clutching you

WOW, somebody was WAY off key!!!
OH, ...nevermind.......
it was ME.